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A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men.

The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"

The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"

The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"

Without hesitating, the private kills the man.

The general says, "See? That man has balls!"

The marine general says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!"

The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?".

The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself."

Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.

The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!"

The admiral says, "That's nothing."

He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!"

The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?"

The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!"

The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!"

The admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"


Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"


An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor..."


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